If asked, certain people will tell you that running is one of the most important things in my life. They will say that I put it before family, friends... just about anything. If you read my blog, I am sure you are probably one of those people. If I didn't know me, I probably would think the same thing.
In my teen years, writing was my outlet. If you knew me then, you might remember this if you weren't cocooned in your own teen angst. Honestly, I probably don't remember what your gig was because I had poems and stories speaking to me constantly, begging to be released into the world via the lined paper in front of me. I was a quiet kid, but I had a lot to say. I chose to say it through written word. And it made my life better. It was how I coped. Worked for me! But then the time came that it threatened other people. People read things into what I was writing. Twisted it. So, I stopped. It was very much my nature to make sure everyone in my little world was happy, and if I was doing something to make someone unhappy, then I should stop. I did.
I have tried for many years to get back into writing. The infrequencies of these blog posts is proof that I'm still having a hard time with it. Kept blaming it on being blocked. But that's not really it, is it? The reason I haven't been able to get it back is that I censor myself. I worry about people reading things into what I am writing about that just aren't there. And just like a blog post that I posted recently, I end up editing because I feel that I upset other people. By the end, what I have written isn't what I wanted to write about. I'm not going to do this anymore. The Canadian Cathy wants me to say "Sorry!"
My blog is just that- it's mine and is about me. It's not an outlet to talk about other people, or for me to convince you that I'm a nice person. Or interesting. Or anything other than someone who likes to write about what is in my head at the moment. It is a way for me to work through things. It is a way for me to record things that are making me intensely happy, or intensely unhappy at any given moment. I tend to write mostly about myself.
This past year, I really dove head first into running. Yes, I am sure it was a way for me to escape things in my life that just weren't right. It allowed me a lot of time to think. It helped me to grown stronger physically and mentally. It was not the only thing that I loved and it was never more important than the people and relationships in my life. But in many ways, it was... just easier, you know? It made me feel good.
Spoiler alert! 2011 posts are mainly going to consist of a new chapter in my life. Struggles and successes. Firsts. Frustrations and joy. People, places, and yes... running and work. Dragonflies and butterflies. None of it will be meant to hurt anyone. But I am not going to stop writing. I am going to be true to myself. If you are looking for it to be something else, then maybe this isn't a place for you to stop for a little read. I am sure there are millions of blogs more interesting and better written than mine. I won't be offended!
Namaste!
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